[R] How I Found My Special Place

Hi everybody! So, today’s blog post will be a bit personal, because not necessarily everybody knows the beliefs I follow and the practices I attend to. For those of who you are unaware, I am an eclectic person- I take beliefs from different religions and apply them to my own, but I mainly follow a Pagan-related system. With that in mind, I realize not everybody feels as connected to nature as I do- but there is one place more than anywhere else that I have bonded with.

I have always been an indoors person, truth be told. I don’t like venturing outdoors very much, mostly because of my irrational fear of bees, but also because I don’t take enjoyment in sitting in sunlight and whatnot. That being said, I go on a walk almost daily primarily to get some exercise, but also to meditate.

My special sanctuary, where I feel closest to nature, is actually the playground of an elementary school. Some might view this as odd, but considering I am from Alaska and nearly every place is surrounded by some form of forest, I suppose that makes up for it.

I attended the elementary school as a little girl, but I have always found myself drawn back to the swing-set overlooking the nearby field. I noticed this summer that whenever I meditate at the given place- usually on the swing itself- I feel safe and I also sense an inner tranquil. Some people have to venture more to discover their special place. After all, it took me years to really confirm that the particular playground was mine.

Is there a particular area you feel drawn to outside of your home? That might be your place, and you’ll never know for sure unless you try to discover it. 🙂

Growing Up

It gets better. I’m not lying: it really does. Truth be told, life is super hard. I know that. Depending on your beliefs, it’s one of the truest journeys you’ll ever have, but also among the toughest. The thing is, though, if it was honestly easy? Everybody would be more than eager to grow up and go through the motions. Everybody would do it, which is why life is the way it is. These struggles are not going to define nor kill you. If you are given a challenge, all I ask of you is to embrace it head-on. Yes, it is going to tear and sting and you will fall a couple of times, but it never changes. As children, we learn how to ride a bicycle. Obviously, all of us learn at our own pace; some with more injuries than others. However, it is well worth it when you can look back with satisfaction and say you survived.

Why Do I Isolate Myself?

Hi guys! So, for those of you who don’t know, I’m still accepted submissions for questions to answer. Also, because lately, I notice I’ve been rather isolating myself, I wanted to get into the topic of why I do that..

So, I’m quite frankly somebody who does not take bad news well- who does? But when it comes to coping with such situations, I tend to isolate myself from other people. I draw in all of my pain towards myself- which can be seen as extremely self-destructive (and it is), and not many people really ever understand why.

The reason why I isolate myself is not because I don’t want the support. Because honestly, I do need the support more than anything and it’s the number one thing that I seriously want in desperate times. But there’s multiple factors that are involved.

One of them is that I have been hurt many times by people I thought I trusted. Every time I have tried to allow the majority of people into my life, I believe I’ve been turned away the times I did need somebody, whether they were busy or didn’t care or whatnot. So, I feel as if my problems will be better solved if I keep them to myself.

Another reason I isolate is because I don’t like to bother people with things that are upsetting me. It partially is because I believe that if somebody wants to fix something, they shouldn’t complain about it, and I do my absolute best to hold true to that very ideal. Plus, I just feel worse whenever I talk about my situations, because either the person pities me or tries to solve it and that’s the last thing I want.

The third reason is that chances are, the problem has been solved and I just needed to stew about the remains of it. It’s honestly a strange concept, but after I finish dealing with a situation, I find myself needing to share it as if it was still going on. Somehow, I think it makes it feel more valid and perhaps might make me feel stronger about solving it.

I’m not trying to push away or hurt other people. I isolate in desperate times because I don’t want to bother anybody. And so, I usually don’t.

Flawed Actions

Hi guys! So, as I stated in the previous blog post, I’m going to be writing out a bunch of the things that I am asked in a blog post- for example, why I struggle with social concepts. However, before I start going into the list, I wanted to remove all forms of doubt about my purpose here.

I’m not telling you guys that my disabilities serve as an excuse. Like, if I did something absolutely terrible and I ended up in big trouble for it, the last thing I’d want to do is say “well, my disability made me do this”. Because quite honestly, I’m still accountable for my actions- as I should be. It always irks me immensely whenever I watch a crime show and individuals who are guilty of murder emphasize on the fact that they have a mental disorder, so they’re off the hook. Honestly, that to me should be a huge no-no in our society, as it seems to be a continuing trend.

The reason I’m writing the upcoming blog posts is primarily to explain to the world (or at least, my followers) why I do or say or act on certain things. I look forward to this journey. ❤

Introduction of the Blue Jay!

Hi guys!

For those of you who do not know me, my name is Ayla! I am an 18 year old woman living and loving life in Alaska, USA, but I deal with a multitude of different disabilities on a day-to-day basis. I was diagnosed with high-functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and mild Bipolar Disorder in July 2016, while I’ve dealt with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and general Anxiety throughout my entire life.

In time, I’ve come to accept my disabilities, but I also act differently to situations than other people might. I tend to grow attached to people and ideas far more than what can be considered normal, and I have a lot of different ideas and thought processes. My general concepts can usually be emphasized through writing, which is why I’ve started this blog.

I want people who don’t have my mindset to understand where I’m coming from on a variety of topics. So, here’s to a lovely future! 😀